I feel disconnected, depressed, bummed, lonely, unappreciated....and a million other things
I've felt disconnected from Curt.....I'm sick of being at home....i feel worthless.....i feel like getting pregnant was NOT the best idea right now.....ugh...i just wanna feel needed.....like if I wasn't here he'd fall apart, or if I wasn't here there would be nobody to take care of things for him.....instead its like everything would go along like nothing ever happened if I wasn't here.
We're having another boy.....why do I get bummed out about it? I guess I looked forward so much to dresses, dolls, a mother-daughter relationship....i'm deathly afraid of 2 boys that won't give 2 shits about me. They'll love their dad more than me, i'm afraid of being disrespected by men for the rest of my life....I wanna raise boys that love and respect women....boys that listen and behave themselves....I've failed with the 1st one...he doesn't listen to a thing i say.....
I see happy couples and wonder if we're still there. Are we still that fairytale? Or have I been such a pain in the ass I've ruined it... I wish we could just sit down and talk about everything....I wouldn't make it 5 minutes without balling my eyes out. then our conversation would end....
im overly emotional today....and i hate this...I hate that I have no one to just listen to me cry....no one to hug me and say it'll be just fine........
