God Gave Me You

"God Gave Me You"

Blake Shelton

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.

Things Have Changed

I stumbled across this today.  I thought to myself, "Hey, didn't you have a blog you wrote when you were pregnant?"  Yup...sure did...and boy is it sad.  

I never realized how emotional I was....how Curt and I's relationship had taken a turn for the worse thru that time until I read over it today.  I can happily say our relationship is nothing like that now, thank goodness!!  Although, we have had a bump or two since then...it's definitely a lot easier to deal with when you're not pregnant.  

I love him, there is no denying that and that has to be what makes me able to get through some things.  And he obviously loves me or he wouldn't have put up with my crazy mood swings. LOL

Asher is now 1 and Trenten just started kindergarten.  Time has flown by and I wouldn't change one part of my crazy, whirlwind life :)

what's left?

I'd love to know what I'm doing right these days...it seems like everything I do is wrong.  I'm too negative....too bitchy...too jealous....too defensive...I'm just not sure what I do right anymore.  What's left of me that he still enjoys? 

It feels strange to love somebody so much and wonder if they feel the same?  Does he love me just because i'm the mother of his kids?  Is he still in love with me?  I'm scared....and sad about the whole situation.

saturday night...

Tonite was curts bday outing downtown at the bob. I wanted nothing more than for him to have a great time and to not feel like I should speak up about something I don't agree with.  But sure enough...what happens...my insecurities once again got the best of me.   I got all dressed up and he never so much as said "oh hunni you look really pretty"  I just wanted to be noticed by him and no one else.  Im glad he had fun though.  He does deserve that every now and then.

Horrible, Shitty Week

I feel disconnected, depressed, bummed, lonely, unappreciated....and a million other things

I've felt disconnected from Curt.....I'm sick of being at home....i feel worthless.....i feel like getting pregnant was NOT the best idea right now.....ugh...i just wanna feel needed.....like if I wasn't here he'd fall apart, or if I wasn't here there would be nobody to take care of things for him.....instead its like everything would go along like nothing ever happened if I wasn't here.  

We're having another boy.....why do I get bummed out about it?  I guess I looked forward so much to dresses, dolls, a mother-daughter relationship....i'm deathly afraid of 2 boys that won't give 2 shits about me.  They'll love their dad more than me, i'm afraid of being disrespected by men for the rest of my life....I wanna raise boys that love and respect women....boys that listen and behave themselves....I've failed with the 1st one...he doesn't listen to a thing i  say.....

I see happy couples and wonder if we're still there.  Are we still that fairytale?  Or have I been such a pain in the ass I've ruined it...   I wish we could just sit down and talk about everything....I wouldn't make it 5 minutes without balling my eyes out.  then our conversation would end....

im overly emotional today....and i hate this...I hate that I have no one to just listen to me cry....no one to hug me and say it'll be just fine........

Feeling a little down....wanted love and attention tonite but got nothing...oh well I guess

I hate waking up and thinking am I doing things right?  Is everything okay?  Is he happy?  I'm sick of him being so secretive about his phone...his computer....it makes me feel like he's trying to hide something.   I signed onto his FB which is the only thing I still have a PW to....he deleted an email he sent to Jayne Kennicott.  For what reason, I'm not sure, because the email didn't say anything other than the fact he seen her on his way to work.  Maybe he thought I'd be mad....

I thought this valentine's day we'd talk about things...or at least have sex....nope.  neither.  I'm supposing that he'll blame that on me because I don't put forth effort and he has given up.  Which makes me sad....and makes me wonder is he getting it somewhere else?  I don't think he would, but there are some times that I feel like I don't know him.  Regardless of how he feels, I love him....and I'll love him till the day I die.  He has been the most amazing man I've ever met in my life....

I get scared from time to time....I'm afraid we'll split up...I'm afraid he's not in love with me anymore...I'm always afraid and wondering if he's still happy...ugh, i just want to feel normal again....