So far...

So, my self help books will be here next week.  I'm anxious to read them and get started.  So far Curt and I have been okay.  I've had a couple hang ups so far...but I havent been anything like what I used to be. 

I had a moment where I afraid I was going to taken advantage of for being nice about him going places anytime he wanted.  I was afraid by me not saying anything when he wanted to do something...he'd just come and go as he pleased.  I also get scared that his friend "A" will rub off on him....I don't want Curt to become angry over every little thing I do.  That's no way to be or to have a relationship.   Especially when we're trying to work on things and not let everything get to us.

I'll admit...I'm a lil uptight.  I get scared that things are going to happen...when in reality they probably never would.  I get really annoyed and uncomfortable when Curt makes perverted jokes to Britney, Rikki and frankly, he'd make them to any girl that ever came around.  He thinks they're funny and harmless...I dont.  it makes me think he really does want to do sexual things with them.  And the only reason I think that is because I know he's a very sexual person....I worry that he doesn't get everything he needs from me sometimes. 

It's always a lot of stress and worry..especially when I thought for so long that everything was ok...and deep down it wasn't. 

I hate the fact that he'd rather discuss OUR relationship with Rikki than come to me and discuss it like he should.  I guess that's what sucks about having shared friends....  because when I find out they'er agreeing with him...I feel like they're talking shit about me.  Making me look like a horrible person instead of defending me like a true friend should.  Regardless if they're friends with both of us or not.    I was pretty upset to find out that Rikki agreed with curt when he said i was controlling.  I can't be like her...I can't just let it roll off my back when my husband decides he's going to stay out ALLL night long and not come home.  I can't ignore shit like that.  I don't wanna spend nights alone...that's not what marriage is about.  If that's the way she wants to live, that's fine...that's up to her.  Just because i don't want my husband gone all the time doesn't make me controlling....i don't control everything he does.  I just don't like it when I have to be home alone...makes me a clingy wife more than a controlling one.